Thursday, December 30, 2010

Words Are Important

Some people use drugs and alcohol to obtain a high, I use words. There's something exhilarating about putting a whole string of words together and creating a new dimension.

 Words can be a very powerful thing. If you use even one word inappropriately, it could change the whole context of what you are saying, causing misunderstandings and even ruining relationships. If you don't believe me, consider how you would react if your significant other whispered in your ear as he/she serves you a delicious dinner, "I have to confess, I cheated." Do you realize your partner meant that he/she ordered the dinner out, instead of cooking it them self or do you assume the worst, perhaps blurting out a confession to your own infidelity.

Below is a story, illustrating how, when taken out of context, words can take on a whole new meaning. Have a Happy New Year!

This is a conversation between a telemarketer and an inquisitive child who has answered the phone.




“Hello, may I speak with Mr. Finch please?”


“Mr. Finch.”


“May I speak with your daddy?”


“Because I have something I need to talk to him about.”


“Can you just get him sweetie?”

“He’s not here.”

“Can I talk to your mommy then?

“Are you his girlfriend?”


“Are you daddy’s girlfriend?”


“Because mommy says daddy’s girlfriend is a whore.”

“Ummm, okay. Could I please talk to your mommy?”

“If you’re daddy’s girlfriend, mommy won’t want to talk to you.”

“I’m not honey. I really need to talk to your mommy though. Can you get her?”

“On account of she’s a lying, man stealing bitch, who ought to rot in hell.”


“That’s what mommy says daddy’s girlfriend is. I heard her tell Aunt Betty.”


“Mommy doesn’t like daddy’s girlfriend.”

“I can tell. Can I talk to her please?”

“Daddy’s girlfriend?”

“No, your mommy.”

“Oh, because I thought you were talking about the floozy.”

“Sweetie, can you go tell your mommy she’s needed on the phone?”

“What’s a floozy?”

“It’s someone who’s not very nice.”

“Daddy’s girlfriend is one big floozy then.”

“I bet she is. Why don’t you get your mommy, so she can tell me all about her.”

“She also says her boobs are fake.”

“Ohhh kay.”

“They’re real big and she says daddy’s not thinking with the right head.”

“Maybe I should call back later.”

“I didn’t even know daddy had two heads.”

Can you tell your mommy I called and that I’ll call back at a more convenient time?”

“But Aunt Cindy has two faces, so I guess daddy can have two heads.”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

“How can someone have two faces?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where do they put their other face, when their wearing the one they’ve got?”

“I’ve got to go, okay?”

“I looked in daddy’s closet for his other head, but it wasn’t there.”

“I’ll call back later.”

“I thought if I could find it, I’d give it to daddy, so he could think with the right one.”

“I’m going to go now.”

“Because mommy wants to cut his other one off.”


“She told Aunt Betty that.”

“Your mom tells Aunt Betty a lot.”

“Ya, she does. “She told Aunt Betty that she found out about daddy’s girlfriend because he gave her something.”

“She did?”

“Ya, but I don’t know what. Mommy spelled it. She does that when she doesn’t want me to know what she’s saying. What is an STD?”

“Ummm, tell your mommy, I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Mommy won’t be here tomorrow either.”

“Either? So, she’s not there now?”


“Do you know when she will be home?”

“She’s home now.”

“But you just said she wasn’t there.”

“She don’t live here silly. This is Grandma’s house.”

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