Monday, January 3, 2011

Rule Two-Eighty-Four

“Brax, I need to have a word with you.”

“What is it this time Mister Davies?”

“I just had ANOTHER customer complaint about you.”

“Another? Oh dear me? You Hu-mans are so tiresome, always complaining about something. What was it this time?”

“You refused to give a customer her money back when she came in to return the holo-projector she had purchased last week.”

“It was damaged! We never would have been able to resell it.”

“It being damaged was the reason she wanted to return it! Wal-Mart policy allows this. I don’t know why I have to keep explaining this to you.”

“Rules are always subject to interpretation.”

“Brax, turn around and read to me the sign above your head. The one that states our return policy.”

“Items may be returned for a refund within 90 days of purchase with a receipt.”

“Okay, stop. How is that subject to interpretation?”

“With a ferengi, rules are always subject to change.”

“Not Wal-Mart rules. We haven’t remained in business for over 300 years by changing our interpretation of how to do business.”

“Honestly, I don’t know how you stayed in business so long with policies like this. The first rule of acquisition states, Once you have their money, you NEVER give it back.”

“Brax, I am losing my patience with you. I promised Grand Nagus Rom that I would help the ferengi learn how to function in a free market, but I’m beginning to think it’s impossible!”

“Grand Nagus Rom is going to be the ruin of Ferenginar! Do you know he takes advise from his. . . his wife?!? The ninety-fourth rule, females and finance don’t mix!”

“I know Leeta. She is a brilliant business woman.”


“Then there was the problem the other day, when you sold the gentleman a product meant for hair growth and told him it would, um, enhance other areas of his person.”

“Rule two thirty nine. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.”

“The man is a Bolian and is now covered with so much hair, you can’t even tell that he is blue! He’s shaved three times and the hair won’t stop growing.”

“Rule nineteen. Satisfaction is NOT guaranteed.”

“Brax, if you do not start following Wal-Mart policy I’m afraid I will have no choice but to let you go.”

“Well, if you want my advice. . .”

“I do not want your advice!”

“Smart choice! For a hu-man you learn quick. Rule fifty-nine. Free advice is seldom cheap.”

“Brax, we do not operate business by the former Ferengi rules of acquisition!”

“Nonsense! You know the rules of acquisition are sound advice. Besides, there’s rule two -eighty- four.”

Two- eighty- four?”

“Deep down, everyone is a ferengi.”

No comments:

Post a Comment