In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I am bringing out one of my favorite past stories.
Cannibal’s Kitchen
(That's Not Chicken)
by Lisa McCourt Hollar
“Okay, are we all set? The frequency scramblers are
repaired? I don’t want a repeat of last week. The police are getting better at
tracking our reception; the last thing we need is for them to be swarming in
before we’re gone. Alright then, let’s go! On three, two, one…”
“Hi and welcome to Cannibal’s Kitchen! My name is Thomas and
I am your host. With us we have the famous East End Slayer. Welcome to the
show! How are you tonight?”
“I am FANTASTIC Tom! This mask is a little suffocating, but
I’m glad to be here.”
“The price we have to pay for anonymity. Society still
frowns on our particular appetite.”
“Those intolerant bastards!”
“I couldn’t agree more. Now, what do you have for us
tonight?”
“Well Tom, if you watched the news tonight you will have
heard that a buxom young belle by the name of Deidra is missing.”
“I do recall hearing that. There is concern she may be the
latest victim of the East End Slayer.”
“Their concern would not be without merit Tom. You know, one
of the things I am looking for in a good dish is seasonality and
sustainability. Now we see nice breasts all year long, but in the spring we are
overrun by these perky and tasty delectable’s. This is the ideal time of the
year to entertain your guests with a perfectly prepared stuffed breast.”
“I am a breast man.”
“As am I. Now look at these; I discovered these beauties
marinating on a beach in a nice coconut oil. What made them even more appealing
is that they are one-hundred percent real.”
“Amazing!”
“I know. These days it’s rare to find a breast that hasn’t
been filled with saline. I’m sure most of us know how that can spoil the taste
of what should be a nice, deliciously juicy breast.”
“I know I do and it’s not anything I ever want to taste
again. Now what exactly are you doing?”
“I have prepared a mixture of spinach, artichoke and cheese
with a few tablespoons of diced eyeballs.”
“Diced eyeballs?”
“It really adds flavor Tom. I’m going to slice into the
breasts right along here and spoon in the mixture.”
“This is really going to be delicious.”
“Yes it is. Okay, now we are going to season them a little
and bake at 375 for about an hour. Now, while they are baking we have time to
prepare some liver and kidney hors d’oeuvre. These are good anytime of the
year, all you need is a frying pan, flour, eggs and whatever spice you prefer.
I like mine to have a little kick.”
“Sounds wonderful! If any of our viewers would like the
recipe, it can be found on our website. We are out of time. Stay tuned for
Endangered Species Café and remember, a good meal is as close as your
neighbor.”
“Okay, that’s a rap! Now let’s pack up and get outa here
before the police arrive.”
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